Oxymorons

 Greetings, fellow swimmers! 

You may be wondering about the title of this post. Of course, you all know what an oxymoron is, but just in case you've forgotten, it combines two contradictory words to create a paradoxical or ironic effect, used for emphasis, humor, or to provoke thought. One of the biggest oxymorons I've encountered is - are you ready for this? 

Reality Television.

Really?

Can anyone out there tell me anyplace on the thousands of television channels and streaming services out there where anything is real? Television was never real, not since the very first program aired.

I don't even believe anything in the news is real anymore, but let's not go there!

Being retired now for several years, DH has found many interesting things to do with his time. He has volunteered for the Pittsburgh Literacy Council, working with adults, which he really enjoyed. He just didn't enjoy riding into the city every week, especially through the winter, so he finished that and moved on to helping with the food bank once a month. He does still do that. He was learning Spanish, more to keep the brain juices flowing. (He also once said that he felt it important to be able to ask why he was being taken to jail? but I don't think I want to know why. I felt it more important to find out what time the train is expected, and where is the bathroom!) But, this is also on hold for awhile - although he has taken the name of a Spanish tutor from the library. And now?

Now, he's all about reality television! He looked at me just the other day and said, "I think it's a sickness." I didn't disagree.

One of the shows is called 'Traitors' - and if you've never watched one, they can be highly entertaining. Our first was a season hosted by Allan Cumming, who is fascinating. If you really like it, then you can watch the other two seasons. It takes place in a 'castle' in Scotland, and features mostly American celebrities from American reality shows, like Real Housewives and Survivor. There is also a version from Australia. And the UK. And New Zealand. Yes, he's watched them all.

Then came Trust; Alone; some other survival show; and now, he's jumped into Squid Games.

Sometimes I'll watch an episode with him, or part of one, just to spend a little time together - but I draw the line at Squid Games. Those people with the creepy outfits with one goggle eye who don't speak - no thank you. Not even remotely interested! While I realize that nobody actually gets hurt, I just don't like the premise. Not my idea of entertainment.

Think about it: where is the reality in any of these shows? Many of them certainly are experiments in social behavior - you kind of wonder if they were thought up by some doctoral student of sociology, working hard on that PhD. Truly, though - how can you call a reality show 'real' anything? Who came up with the term 'reality television' anyway? And, why are people so addicted to them? What is lacking in our lives that we have to watch other people's misfortunes? Or, shallow loves gained and lost? Is this giving our youth a normal picture of what love actually is?

I'm not judging people who watch reality television - after all, sometimes you just want to watch something mindless. I watch Survivor - only because there is a group of us who put down $10, pick a name out of a hat, and the winner takes all. If I wasn't playing, I probably wouldn't watch.

No, my reality is here in the Stress Pool, where staying afloat can be problematic enough. And, I'm happy to report that the real pool is also open for the summer. I know it's the real deal, because the water is freezing, and the days really aren't hot enough yet to warm the water. It is much nicer, though, to come home and see the pretty sparkling blue water than that ugly gray-green cover full of leaves. 

So, if you're in the neighborhood, stop by for a refreshing dip and we'll talk about reality - whether it's in real life, or a television show! 

Are You a Turtle?

 Hello, fellow swimmers, and welcome to the Stress Pool!

You're probably wondering about the title of today's blog. I joined a service sorority when I was in college - nicest group of young women you'd ever want to meet, and we participated in a lot of service projects. Of course, we also liked to socialize. In the early part of being a member, I quickly learned that if one sister looked at you and asked, "Are you a turtle?", the appropriate response was "You bet your sweet a** I am!"

Now, I have no idea how it started, or what it meant, but DH thought that was the most amusing thing he's ever heard. Every so often he'll ask me the question, and of course, I provide the appropriate response.

But, am I?

Now that the hip is on it's way to better healing, it's time to look at all the other things that start going or wearing out once you've hit your sixties. I go see the breast specialist soon (no, I don't really think there's anything serious, but one wants to rule out the junk). The sonogram had shown dilated milk ducts. The question asked of me that day was, "Did you nurse?"

5 times. Yup, so who's surprised? Nobody.

Then, there is the blood test that my PCP wants me to have done for inflammation, which apparently is high. When the technician from the office called to ask some questions, it was before the hip surgery. "Do you have pain or swelling in your joints?"

"I have arthritis in my feet, knees, hips, back and hands, so yes, I have joint pain. But, no swelling," I told her. I needed a new hip, for crying out loud! I recently learned that you can get arthritis in your head - I'm sure that isn't too far off for me! So, they sent me a script to have some blood work done to check on the inflammation. The surgeon's PA said not to get it yet, because the surgery will mess with the numbers. Made sense to me. I decided to take a closer look at foods that reduce inflammation.

This is where turtles come into play.

Did you know that turtles love kale? Did you know that kale is an anti-inflammatory food? Do you know who despises kale? This girl, that's who. I once had some in a salad that someone had made - and it was really good! I asked her what the secret was.

"You have to massage it," she explained.

I would love a massage - but I'll be dog-gonned if I'm going to massage my leafy greens! However, spinach is on the list, and I do like spinach. In fact, I like most of the foods that are on the charts - except chick-peas, and I can't do seeds because of gastro issues. (aging isn't for sissies...) 

The question remains: Am I a turtle?

Stop by the Stress Pool anytime. I'm also happy to report that the pool people will be here in the middle of May to open up the real pool, so feel free to stop by then, too! Bring your favorite beverage and a towel, and we can talk about anything that's on your mind - and yes, you can ask me the above question, to which I will automatically reply,

"You bet your sweet a** I am!" Just please, don't give me any kale!

Will you still need me, will you still feed me...

 For those of you who know us, you'll remember that DH is around eight years older than I am. One day he said to me, "You know, when I married a younger woman, I figured you would be in much better health at this age!"

Well, we all do what we can with what we have, right? There have been a few health issues in the last couple of years - the latest being the hip. I never knew what a friend I had in Celebrex until I couldn't take any the week before surgery. Now that the new hip is in place, yes, I still have to take the Celebrex (which helps all those other arthritic areas, too!), but the leg and back pain are gone. Yippee!

But, just so you all don't think that this has been a walk in the park, let me catch you up to speed.

There are morning exercises. There is getting washed. There is icing the hip after exercises and a few other times during the day. There is a repeat of the exercises sometime in the late afternoon/early evening. There is walking laps around the first floor every hour or so. There is taking the steps once, but not more than twice a day (we just added that!) There is sleeping - or trying to, anyway. I'm not a back sleeper, so this has been the biggest challenge. I've gone from recliner to love seat to the bed, sometimes all in the course of one night. I've eliminated the love seat, but usually end up in the recliner by morning. DH joked with Ms. Business and Moink the other night, and asked if they wanted to put bets on "Where will mom wake up in the morning?"

There is the putting on of the 'special stockings' that are supposed to keep me from getting blood clots. DH has to help me put them on because I can't bend that way yet- it's like trying to put a sock on a tree stump. One day I said, "Why don't you put them on the way you did yesterday? That worked out great."

He stood back and scowled. "I'm seventy-two years old. I don't remember how I did it yesterday!" Between you and me, he doesn't always put them on the same way from one leg to the other!

He is precious to me, you know. And, what a trooper he's been! The first few days he was so attentive, just waiting for me to show the first sign of independence. Then, with relief, he was able to back off. He's still attentive and caring - but glad not to have to be at my side every moment of the day! I asked for scrambled eggs the first morning - you would have thought I'd asked for eggs benedict! (he made them perfectly, by the way, but he was not overly confident in cooking them!)

This entire experience has been difficult for Simon, the cat who, when I came home from surgery, avoided me like the plague! It was almost like he could tell something wasn't quite right, and he wanted no part of it. Several days passed before he finally crawled up into my lap, careful to avoid stepping on the wound, but laid down on top of it and just purred and purred. I think he was trying to heal me! While Simon wouldn't let me touch him, he followed me around those first few days and nights, like my little sentinel - I just don't know what he would have done if something had happened! Sat in the hallway and sing the song of his people, more than likely!

Now, I'm just chopped liver. Sometimes he wants me, but mostly he wants Ms. Business (the favored human). Par for the course, I think.

With each day comes more healing, feeling better. A friend asked if I had walked down the street yet. Laughingly I said no, because I would have to cross the street first to get to the sidewalk, and I'm not fast enough - it would be like playing real live Frogger! (I don't want to be the crushed frog in the road.) I have, however, enjoyed watching Spring slowly make her way in. The forsythia and the daffodils are blooming, and the lawns are getting greener. The mourning doves are back, as are the crows. Getting fresh air whenever I want - and using the bathroom whenever I need to - now, that has been heavenly!

Hopefully I've given you a slightly humorous glance into the early days of healing from a hip replacement. After all, humor is the best medicine! Have you ever heard of or watched Gabriel Iglesias (a.k.a. Fluffy)? He's one funny dude, and great for a laugh!

On behalf of the crew here at the Stress Pool, I would also like to take a moment to thank everyone who has sent well-wishes - you've truly made this easier on all of us!

Get ready for summer in the Stress Pool - and the real pool - water aerobics for all! We'll talk about what ails us, and what doesn't ail us, and what we'd like to do with our time. Can't wait to see you!